


Not The Fall That Kills You

by kameo_chan



Category: Shiritsu Horitsuba Gakuen
Genre: And the poor hapless students who walk in on those naughty things, Clueless Kazahaya is best Kazahaya, Companionable Snark, M/M, Rikuo is the only sane person, Teachers doing naughty things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-28
Updated: 2013-08-28
Packaged: 2017-12-24 22:46:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/945559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kameo_chan/pseuds/kameo_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“Impossible. I refuse to believe that you can honestly be this bone-headedly stupid,” Rikuou muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. </i>
</p><p><i>“What? What?!” Kazahaya demanded indignantly. “Are you trying to tell me that Kakei-sensei would lie to me? <strong>On purpose?</strong></i>” </p><p>Kakei, Saiga and the third floor supply closet; or, why Rikuou really needs to learn to trust his gut instinct and Kazahaya really needs to get a clue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not The Fall That Kills You

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a prompt on the CLAMP K!Meme, which I haven’t participated in for the longest time. Also, I had way too much fun writing this. As always, unbeta'd.

The one thing that had to be said for the Horitsuba campus – other than it being a self-contained city state with administrative and political power comparable to that of several small, independent countries – was the surprisingly large number of locales available at, in or generally near which one could commit various lecherous acts of public indecency.

A fine example being the supply closet of the high school department building’s third floor, which was where Kakei currently found himself; pinned between a half-stocked shelf of expired cleaning solutions and a deliciously warm, deliciously broad expanse of tanned chest. 

“This isn’t exactly what I meant when I asked if you could spare me a moment of your time, you know,” he murmured, nipping at the well-sculpted lobe of the ear nearest his mouth. 

“Hmm, I’m sure we agreed last time that it was code for _molest me at your soonest possible convenience in the nearest possible place of semi-privacy_ ,” Saiga whispered against the curve of Kakei’s throat, darting out his tongue to chase a small bead of perspiration as it tried to slip down to the dip of his collarbone. 

“Was it? It’s getting quite hard to tell what’s code these days and what isn’t.” 

“Speaking of hard.” Saiga chose that moment to grind the bulge of his cock against Kakei’s hip, shoving them further back against a precariously stacked selection of worn-out mops. Kakei let out a hushed sigh, threaded his fingers through Saiga’s hair and tugged insistently until a firm mouth was slotted against his own, tongue sliding against his in a slick tangle of saliva and shared breath. 

“Pushy as always,” Saiga breathed against his lips, sucking on the bottom one until all Kakei could taste was the copper-rich sting of blood and the menthol from Saiga’s post lunch-break cigarette. 

“And you love every bit of it,” Kakei replied with a tiny, knife-sharp smile; pushing at Saiga’s head until he got the message and sank down to his knees in front of him. It was a bit of a fumble getting the zipper down and his slacks out of the way, but it was worth every ham-handed grope and near-miss when Saiga nuzzled against his dick with a punched-out sounding exhalation of air. 

“Going commando today? God, you’re so unbelievably evil. And I am so unbelievably turned on.” Proof of which was given almost immediately when Saiga swallowed him down in one smooth motion, throat relaxing as if on command. Kakei let his head drop back against the cool brick facing of the closet interior, fingers tightened and flexing sporadically in time with the motions of Saiga’s mouth and throat on his straining cock. 

“Oh yes,” Kakei moaned, hips shifting forward involuntarily as Saiga worked him closer and closer to an orgasm that promised to be spectacular and mind blowing and numerous other flowery adjectives, all of which ultimately culminated in meaning that Kakei would, quite possibly, come his brains out. 

It was as he was reaching the blissful, nirvana-esque stage of the adjective list that he caught the sound of footsteps out in the corridor – a remarkable feat, really, considering that he’d been rather preoccupied with cataloguing the various slurping noises that had been issuing forth from Saiga’s mouth for some time. 

“Someone’s coming,” he whispered, tugging at Saiga’s head. 

“They certainly are,” Saiga said as Kakei’s dick slid from his mouth; voice rough-timbered and husky. None of which was doing either of them any favors, as Saiga simply dived forward into his crotch again. 

‘Saiga, there are people heading this way,” Kakei clarified, pushing – rather ineffectually and half-heartedly, it had to be said – at Saiga’s head. “Get up and get decent.” 

Saiga made a low, keening sound in the back of his throat; not all too dissimilar to that of an injured dog, before heaving a put-upon sigh and hauling himself to his feet. “This school is terrible when it comes to clandestine tête-à-têtes. This is the third time this week we’ve been interrupted.” 

“And yet we’ve also managed to successfully evade getting caught a grand total of fifteen times, if I recall correctly. The most recent of which being yesterday’s visit to the chemistry lab,” Kakei pointed out, pulling up his slacks, zipping up his fly and doing up the button. It would be a while yet before anyone cottoned on that neither Kurogane-sensei, nor his two cohorts – or rather, _consorts_ , to be precise – had actually been responsible for that mess. Well, at least this time, Kakei amended silently. 

He was still unconscionably, indubitably erect – not that it would prove too damning, not with Saiga’s hulking form and nigh-omnipresent sunglasses to deflect attention away from his crotch at least. Kakei felt reasonably certain that there were only a handful of people on campus who were astute enough to notice anything other than the impressive levels of conflicting cheerful menace that Saiga put out as a matter of principle. 

However, today proved to be more far more hapless than he’d originally anticipated when the supply closet’s door suddenly flew open to reveal two very familiar faces. 

“Kakei-sensei, Saiga-san! What on earth are the two of you doing hanging out in a supply closet?” Kazahaya chirped, as adorably bemused as ever. 

“We were looking for a spare set of safety gloves,” Kakei answered smoothly, edging ever-so-slightly behind Saiga to avoid the gaze of the student accompanying Kudou-kun. Rikuou seemed unperturbed at finding his biology teacher and the school’s guidance counsellor in such intimately close quarters, at least outwardly. But therein lay the inherent problem of the situation, since Rikuou was one of the aforementioned handful of people sharp enough to take in everything and let slip nothing. It was a most vexing problem.

“Oh!” Kazahaya’s face scrunched in a look of serious concentration. “I don’t think there are any left here. But! I think Sakura-sensei still might have some left from when we did our ikebana course work. You could go ask him, sensei!” 

“Thank you, Kudou-kun. I’ll be sure to do that,” Kakei replied genially. “Oh, but it appears I’ve lost my wallet! Saiga-san, would you be a dear and help me look for it?” 

“I could help too, if you’d like,” Kazahaya offered. Behind him, Rikuou looked as if he were contemplating whether smashing his face into the corridor wall would bear any merit, other than perhaps causing severe facial scarring. 

“Nah, we’ve got it under control, kid,” Saiga said, reaching out to ruffle Kazahaya’s hair. “Why don’t you and the stud over take a leaf out of the Great Escape’s book and vamoose, huh? Besides, break’s almost over, and you don’t want to be caught dawdling out in the corridors, now do you?” 

“No sir!” Kazahaya squeaked and flinched away from Saiga’s hand. 

“Good. You’d better get going then, Kudou-kun. I’d hate to have to write you a detention slip, especially after Saiga-san was kind enough to remind you to get back to class on time. After all, I’d have to mete out a suitably harsh punishment in order to avoid any accusations of favouritism,” Kakei supplied kindly, pausing just long enough for the implication to set in. 

“Y-Yes! You’re absolutely right, Kakei-sensei. I’ll be going now,” Kazahaya babbled, turning on his heel. 

“Oh, and Kudou-kun?” Kakei called, waiting until Kazahaya was just out of sight to call the poor child back. Saiga was right; he really did have a mean streak a mile wide.

“Yes?” came the hesitant reply. 

“Please close the door behind you again. You wouldn’t want to forget your manners, after all.” In the time it took Kazahaya to reach the closet again, Saiga shot him a wide grin and an impressed look over the rim of his sunglasses. It was a look that said quite clearly, “I find your Machiavellian machinations to be the epitome of sexual arousal.” 

-

“Wow, I’m so glad Kakei-sensei let me off with just a warning,” Kazahaya exclaimed, clutching at his heart; or, to be more specific, the general vicinity of where he guessed his heart lay within his thoracic cavity. Biology had never been his particular strong suit. Rikuou trailed back far enough behind that Kazahaya only caught the occasional snatch of muttered diatribe, but it was enough to immediately set him on edge. 

“What is your problem?” he asked, rounding on his classmate. It’s not like Kazahaya had coerced him into tagging along during break while he searched for Hana’s pet cat. Really, that cat was starting to become a nuisance, what with how it got lost or stuck up a tree every other day. Kazahaya had already begun considering charging a daily fee.

“Don’t tell me you’re really naïve enough to believe all that hogwash,” Rikuou replied, jerking his thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the supply closet. 

“You can play Mr Cool all you want, _ginormatron_ , but the threat of detention is a legitimate one, and not something I’m willing to risk just because you decided it’d be fun to go yanking open supply closet doors at random.” 

“First of all, you were the one who opened the door, and secondly, how did you not notice that our Biology teacher was sporting a boner the size of Mars?” 

“You were the one who said I should! You said you heard suspicious noises coming from the closet! And no, I did not notice his – what?!” Soon after first meeting him, Rikuou had come to the realization that watching Kazahaya process embarrassment was a lot like watching someone ignite a bonfire. One second he was still all pale skin and smooth cheeks and the next second, WHOOSH! Everything was on fire. Combustion achieved. His face was nearly as red as his uniform jacket. 

“What the hell are you talking about?! You’re just a great big, disgusting pervert who thinks about sex twenty four seven! God, they’re adults! _And_ faculty members!” 

Rikuou boggled at this latest turn in the conversation. It wasn’t so much Kazahaya’s utter lack of sub-textual comprehension as it was his reasoning behind why people likely wouldn’t do such things that floored him. 

“When has that _ever_ been an impediment to anyone on campus?” he asked incredulously, holding up a hand and ticking off his fingers. “There was that episode with Hina and Shiro-sensei that one afternoon in the teacher’s lounge when you got lost on your way to the auditorium. And then there was the time we walked in on Kurogane, Fay and Yuui-sensei in the school pantry with everything, even the damn floor, covered in custard and cream. Well, I hope it was cream. Not to mentioned the time we found Subaru strung up in the nurse’s office like some sort of decorative – ”

“Enough!” Kazahaya cried, clapping his hands over his ears. “I’m not listening to you anymore!” 

“Wow, what are you? A five year old? Decided to put your big boy pants on today, is that it? Get your hands down moron, you look like an idiot,” Rikuou sniped, crossing his arms and levelling Kazahaya a look that left no doubt as to the fact that Rikuou thought he was suffering from fifth-grader syndrome again. 

“You’re the worst,” Kazahaya sulked, letting his hands fall back to his sides. 

“And you’re way too sheltered,” Rikuou argued right back, before letting out a resigned sounding sigh. 

“You don’t really think they were, y’know, busy… in there? I mean, I might suspect Saiga of those kinds of things – he looks like he might be the sort of guy who hangs out in public restrooms or something – but Kakei-sensei of all people? He said they were just looking for spare gloves. It doesn’t make any sense!” Kazahaya shook his head vigorously and made vetoing motions with his hands. 

“Impossible. I refuse to believe that you can honestly be this bone-headedly stupid,” Rikuou muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“What? What?!” Kazahaya demanded indignantly. “Are you trying to tell me that Kakei-sensei would lie to me? _On purpose?_ ” 

“Kakei is the most conniving person in this school!” Rikuou bellowed. As soon as the echo faded from the corridor however, he cleared his throat and amended, “Third most conniving person, now that I think about it, probably right after the Director and that creepy nurse.” 

“You…” Kazahaya began. “You really think Kakei-sensei would just lie to me? Without reason? That’s… That’s awful,” he concluded, looking decidedly forlorn and crestfallen all of a sudden. “Why would he do something like that?” 

Rikuou rolled his eyes, reeled Kazahaya in by laying a hand across the back of his neck and briefly pressed their foreheads together. They were close enough to share breathing space, and from this angle, Kazahaya’s eyes looked hopelessly young; large and liquid under the fluorescent glow of the overhead lighting. “That’s why I said, you’re too damn sheltered.” 

The moment stretched on for a few more seconds, and Rikuou zeroed in on the way that Kazahaya unconsciously made a show of licking his lips. Honestly, this kid was going to be the death of him yet.

Of course, it wasn’t until after he let go of Kazahaya’s neck and moved away a bit that Kazahaya noticed how their current poses might’ve appeared to any potential passers-by. 

“Goddammit! Pervert, I knew it! You’re a filthy molester of innocence!” Kazahaya ranted, flailing about like a gutted fish. Rikuou was already ambling back down the hallway in the direction they’d originally come from. “Pay attention to me, dammit! Don’t just walk away when someone calls you out on your huge, glaringly obvious character flaws, you sexual deviant!” 

Rikuou steadfastly kept on walking. 

-

“You’re maniacal.” Kakei nodded. “Devious.” The beginnings of a self-satisfied smirk settled on his lips. “A scrumptious-looking mastermind of villainy and evil.” Kakei was positively beaming at this point. 

“Do you have any objections?” he asked thoughtfully, running a fingertip through the congealed mess of drying come and lubricant on Saiga’s stomach before popping it in his mouth. 

“None whatsoever,” Saiga grinned, leaning in to chase the taste of himself from Kakei’s mouth. “Although I have to ask, for how long have you known about those two being sweet on each other?” he asked once he’d made a thorough inspection of Kakei’s tonsils. 

“Known? I didn’t, until just now.” Kakei batted his eyelashes and made a soft, vaguely distressed sound. “I do hope they manage to work things out between the two of them, the poor dears.”

“God, I love it when you talk dirty,” Saiga moaned, and went in for another kiss. Kakei just leered and let him.


End file.
